Have you ever wanted to try a new restaurant or go to a place you always enjoy eating at? Is there a movie you saw the previews for and you've decided that you've got to see this movie? Perhaps you wanted to visit a park, museum, or just have a picnic or go fishing? Maybe you always wanted to go on a vacation to some place that intrigues you. The first thing you would do is try and convince your wife, girlfriend, or friends to go with you but what if you don't have friends?
Of course you could go alone but it is much more fun when you have someone with you. For a lot of people who have Aspergers or other illnesses where they have problems making friends, bringing someone with you isn't an option, especially a date with a woman. When you have an illness that makes it impossible to make friends because of your poor communication skills, having the appearance that you lack empathy, you don't seem to be interested in what the other person is saying or able to follow their conversation, and can't seem to carry on a meaningful conversation you pretty much end up spending most of your time alone and being lonely sucks. Every human being is a social creature even someone with Aspergers who may keep to themselves and sometimes will choose to be alone such as I when I would spend my recess days in grade school alone but I also had times when I wanted to be with someone during recess. When you want to go eat somewhere or watch a movie, most people can ask a friend or have a wife or girlfriend to ask. Other guys can ask almost any women (especially tall men) if they would like to join them for dinner and the woman will gladly except while if I ask a woman I either get some story such as she has a boyfriend or is married or she flat out tells me to "go to hell". There are nicer women who will let you down easy but you're still getting rejected. I have been interested in a nice woman at work but whenever I ask her out or ask what she did over the weekend, she has given me the hint that she isn't interested in me by saying she has to work or worked during the entire weekend when I ask what she did over the weekend. I only asked her out once but I will ask her how her weekend went and she will say she was working all weekend trying to be friendly in saying that she has no interests in me so I shouldn't consider asking her out as she probably senses I might try to ask her out. I talk to her once in a while at work but am not sure if she even wants me to stop by and talk to her. I think she is just trying to be nice to me and allow me to talk to her even though she would rather not talk to me. I can't read her since she smiles and seems not to be bothered by me talking to her and sometimes will even ask me if I did anything for the weekend. I could ask my brothers to do things with me except one is married and busy with his wife and kid, my other brother works nights and isn't interested in the same things that I am interested in. For example, if I want to go fishing, my married brother may be interested but my other brother hates anything to do with fish. If I want to go somewhere that serves only fish, I have to do it alone because both my brothers hate fish. I could ask my dad but I kind of feel strange when I'm with an older person because I feel I should have friends of my own age who are not family members or friends I know just because they are friends with my brothers.
A lot of times it is overwhelming for me to be alone and see couples since I have always wanted to enjoy some time with a woman which most men take for granted since it is very easy for them to get a date without even trying. I'm the romantic type who would enjoy a candlelight dinner with a woman but no women is interested in me. A lot of women have let me know in certain terms that they hate me and can't stand seeing me and even asked me to stay away from them. This makes me even more lonely and depressed because all I want is to be popular but I can't do that because of what I like to call the Aspergers curse. Some people diagnosed with Aspergers see it as a blessing but I consider it a curse. Of course these people with Aspergers who see it as a gift of some kind are probably fortunate enough to be loved by women. Unfortunately I'm someone who doesn't want to be alone all the time but with Aspergers, the choice has already been made for me to be alone all the time. It kind of hurts to remember all through school, I always thought about getting married to a special woman to share my life with but now realize not everyone gets married and I'm one of the unlucky ones. It's like children in a poor family getting nothing for Christmas and wondering why Santa gave them nothing or gave their friends more expensive gifts. They weren't bad or anything, it's just that Santa doesn't exist and their parents cannot afford what the more fortunate families can afford.
When I do go out alone I feel a little uncomfortable since I am usually the only person alone and this world is designed around couples and groups making it weird being someone alone at a restaurant or movie. A lot of restaurants have a romantic feel so it feels strange going to these restaurants and I always feel out of place since it is more of a couples restaurant. Other restaurants cater to groups of friends. The waiter/waitress probably isn't too happy when a person alone like me shows up. Most likely I won't order as much food as a couple, a family, or group of friends meaning they won't be getting as big of a tip. I remember one waitress treated me as if I didn't exist and never really came by to ask how I was doing even though she had to walk by my table every time she took orders of food to tables but went out of her way to talk to the rest of the patrons some of whom were clear across the room. It took her over 2 hours to realize I was ready to go and needed my check. I think she actually forgot I was there as she was trying to act like I wasn't there or figured another waiter/waitress would take over so she doesn't have to deal with me. Normally I tip more than the recommended amount since I feel bad that they wouldn't make as much money from me as a couple or family but this waitress didn't receive any tip! I may be only one person and won't buy as much food as a family or group resulting in a smaller tip but I still deserve to be treated as a human being. Of course the tip eventually found it's way to another waitress who deserved a big tip that I encountered later in the week. I was eating and noticed that there was a couple with two kids sitting at a table across from me. The restaurant was very busy and she was working half the restaurant and the guy kept yelling at her and even asked to speak with her manager and told her manager that she was "rude" when all she did was try to please him but he was in a hurry and saw this waitress as the reason his food was late and accused her of taking breaks she wasn't rude to him and went out of her way to try and make him happy. If he paid attention, he would have noticed she was walking all over the place taking orders from several patrons. Either one of the waiters/waitresses didn't show up for work or the restaurant needed to hire more waiters/waitresses because she didn't have time to even think. After he got his check, his wife was about to place a tip on the table when the guy asked her "Why the hell would you give her a tip? She should be fired!" He yelled it loud enough that the waitress overheard him. I felt sorry for her and left her a much bigger tip to make up for the asshole who treated her like crap and despite her attempts to please him with all she was dealing with, he had the nerve to complain to her boss and of course not leave a tip. Great lesson for the kids! I wasn't expecting it but as I was walking out the door she stopped me almost in tears thanking me. I didn't know what to do, it's hard for me to know how to respond when someone cries or shows other emotions and a lot of times I look like I have no emotions. I'm glad she was thankful for the tip and felt happy knowing that I made her day and she also made my day.
It is also hard for me to look around and see all the couples and wishing that I too could spend some quality time with a women even if it was just for dinner. I'm jealous of the normal people as well as the tall men who women especially want (Unfortunately not only do I have Aspergers, I'm short at only 5'2" and women of course prefer men who are the average height of 5'8" or taller). Sometimes you see couples hugging and kissing and wish that you could be normal and enjoy a kiss and/or hug from a woman as well as having dinner with a woman. Just the companionship would be nice! At hotels, I see couples and wish I had a wife or girlfriend with me in my lonely hotel room or to accompany me in my travels. I remember one guy telling me I'm lucky to be single. He went on to say that he is sick and tired of giving his woman a foot rub every day and have to take her to dinners, dances, and nickelback concerts. I'd sell my soul to the devil for such a chance! I admit I can't stand Nickleback but I know most women do and you almost have to take a woman to see Nickelback, as for rubbing her feet, I'd love to do that and I do enjoy dinners but even though I don't dance, I would be willing to take a woman out to dance if she enjoys it so much. I don't think this guy understands what it is like to be single for the rest of your life!
If I want to go somewhere I usually have to travel alone and traveling alone can be a scary experience. As I have learned you are more likely to be targeted by criminals than people in groups which is why the police recommend people hang out in groups-especially women when there are rapes in the neighborhood. I'll never forget one Easter Sunday in Cincinnati where I was in a hotel downtown and decided to get a bite to eat after just arriving from the airport after a 5 hour flight. As I walked outside the door, the city was deserted because of the Holiday. I went by Fountain Square to a brewery I enjoy (I have done a lot of business travel in Cincinnati) and it was closed for Easter. I noticed another restaurant was open across the street and as I started walking to the restaurant, a transient approached me asking for change. I told him I didn't have any change and he grabbed hold of me as I tried to walk off. I thought for sure I was going to get attacked but he just kept begging but wouldn't let go of me. I don't carry much money around so I really didn't have money other than cash for tipping since my company is very stingy on expenses and would be mad if they saw that I gave more than a 15% tip at restaurants. I continued to tell him I didn't have money and he said "I can tell you are lying, I can hear the change jiggling in your pockets" and finally let go of me. The jiggling in my pocket was actually my keys, not any change. I understand people can be down on their luck but when you harass people for money after they tell you they don't have any money to give you, it really bothers me. I also wonder if they are really using this money for food or to fuel their drug or alcohol habit (I'm not saying all transients have addictions). I imagine women would be bothered if I told them how lonely I was and asked if they could at least go to dinner with me and continued to pester them after they told me they weren't interested! I would probably be arrested if I harassed a woman asking her to just to spend dinner with me!
Another creepy incident happened in Las Vegas as I was in an Elevator. As I walked into the elevator, another guy was also walking into the elevator I pressed the 3rd floor button and he pressed the top floor button which I think was the 11th floor. When the elevator stopped at the 3rd floor, he walked out of the elevator with me right close to my back side and was so close I could feel his breath. Another person walked around the corner and appeared to have startled this guy as he suddenly started walking back to the elevator. I still wonder what he was trying to do. Was he going to attack me as I got out of the elevator? Was he trying to follow me and find out where my hotel room is? If so what was his intentions, robbery, assault, or something worse. Also, why was he walking so close to me? Was he planning to steal my wallet or assault me? Was he planning to attack me but ran out of luck as a person happened to be walking around the corner? As soon as he waited for me to pick my floor and he picked the top floor, I was suspicious of him but figured I was just being paranoid, but my instincts were right on, he was up to something! There are some bad people out there and people like me who are alone are great targets. Attacking someone who is in a group or is with someone is risky and most likely you will have at least one person assist the person you are attacking. Plus there will be witnesses testifying against you. If you attack someone alone it is just your word against this other person unless someone else happens to walk by and witness what happened. It's also easier to attack one person than a person who has friends assist them in stopping your attack.
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